5/31/19, at 9 A.M. in the morning, a light knock comes to the door of a home on Avondale Avenue in the Boro. Officer Michael Bradley of The Middlesboro Police Department is about to serve a warrant. When serving a warrant on a dangerous criminal, surprise is of the essence. Hence why, Officer Bradley has been selected for the job. You see, Officer Bradley is also known as “Bruce Lee Bradley” a martial arts expert of the 1000th degree. He walks without leaving a trail. He moves without making a sound. He blends into the background like the finest Ninja. He is upon you before your senses can react.
The soft knock on the door was answered with a groggy: “Whose there?”
Officer Bradley, who could not be seen through the peep hole in the door and resisted the urge to answer: “Land Shark” and instead said softly: “Delivery Man”.
Mr. John Curtis Davis of Middlesboro opened the door where he was placed in handcuffs faster than your mother in law can scream BINGO!!! Bruce Lee is serving a warrant signed by Judge Yoakum himself. According to the police report, the charges are:
Theft of a Fire Arm
Theft of a controlled substance
Possession of a hand gun by a convicted Felon
Theft of the contents of an Automobile
Folks, Mr. Davis is just not a nice person. Anyhow, the part most of you enjoy so much, going back to 2005, Mr. Davis has a previous arrest record (Yes I know you’re not surprised) where the charges include but are not limited to:
Disorderly Conduct X1
Bench Warrant X9
Suspendeded Licence X1
Fugitive From Justice X3
Serving Warrant For Other Agency X7
Possession of Controlled Substance 2nd Degree (Drug Unspecified) X2
Possession of Controlled Substance 3rd Degree (Drug Unspecified) X3
Possession of Controlled Substance 1st Degree (Drug Unspecified) X3
Possession of Methamphetamine X1
Drug Paraphernalia X2
Possession of Marijuana X2
No Insurance X1
Contempt of Court X1
Receiving Stolen Property X1
Public Intoxication X1
At this point, although the police report lists Mr. Davis as “arrested” there is no record on the Bell County Detention Center Website of his being booked in. I don’t know if this is a mistake or if Mr. Davis was moved somewhere else due to safety concerns. I checked, Knox County, Laurel County, Clay County, Whitley County and Jackson County in which he is not listed as an inmate. Harlan County’s Detention Center website has been down for sometime.
I guess all that don’t matter. What matter’s is Bruce Lee Bradley got his man. Another dangerous criminal is off the streets for awhile.
Yeah we all know that Joe Holder gives the K-9s a head start in running down a suspect. What few of you know is that Bruce Lee Bradley can sneak up on a K-9 and he does it just for practice. Let us all be glad we have Bruce Lee Bradley on the force.
Thank You Officer Bradley
Go Team Middlesboro!!!
Just In From a Foreign News Source: General Gao Jin of the Chinese Peoples Liberation Army was recently quoted as referring to “Bradley” as a threat to Chinese influence into the martial arts community in the U.S. It appears that Bradley’s recent take down of one of China’s most revered Kung Fu masters/Assassins has caused a stir in the regime. Perhaps Bradley’s version of “Wing Chung” has ruffled some Duck feathers back in the Chinese home land. Officer Bradley could not be reached for comment.
“The following article is based on open and public records from the Middlesboro Police Department as well as The Bell County Detention Center Website and is written in the style of satire as an opinion piece not associated or based on the opinions of The Polygraph News, Incorporated—it’s founders, owners or staff.”