Twenty eight years ago today, my mother passed away. I was in my 30’s and just couldn’t see how I was supposed to get through life without her.
For years I’d cry every time I thought of her. Or when I’d hear certain songs, or smelled certain smells- Like ‘Have yourself a Merry Little Christmas’ and Coty face powder. I’d cry when huge life events happened- Broken hearts, Job promotions, full moons, the smell of good dirt. Just about everything reminded me of my mother.
And it still does. The difference is that I realize she’s always with me. When I hear someone play gospel music on the piano in that old fashioned, fancy way, I hear her playing. When I make dough for cinnamon rolls, I see her and hear her humming. When I use words like ‘Britches’ and ‘Malarkey’ I smile at her old language usage and I laugh when I hear it come out of my daughters mouth who grew up hearing them from me.
Sometimes I struggle to remember the sound of her voice. I’m not sure I remember it to be honest- but I do remember how her voice felt, what she said and how happy her laugh made me. Whatever you learn from your mother- maybe good things- maybe bad things- you don’t forget them.
Our life wasn’t fairy tale perfect and I don’t remember it that way either- But there was plenty of love mixed in. It was real life- and she’s been right here with me to get this far in my own real life. I will always miss her- but it’s more gentle now than it used to be. I think that’s her gift to me.

Cindy Cloy is a wife, mother and grandmother as well as a Military Veteran taking care of a Military Veteran Husband in Texas. She likes to cook and share recipes on Face Book. She also has the occasional musings that one just has to read.