The Joker:

Are you ready Gentlemen? Welcome Ms. Tazewell.

1/31/19 about 9:30 in the evening. Officer Michael Smith also known as “The Law Man”, observed a 1998 White Toyota with Tennessee Tags roll through a stop sign coming out of Willow Street. I know all of you can see what’s coming. When you leave Willow Street (Drug Avenue) at night with out of state plates, you might as well put balloons on your car saying” I just bought Meth”. Anyhow, The Law Man stopped the car over on 19th street in front of “Party Time Inflatables” (Another balloon). Needless to say, the party is about over.

The driver, 36 year old Amy Nichole Haynes of Tazewell, had no insurance and no licence (Yeah I know), and stated that she had gone to pick up a “Food Stamp Card that belonged to her sister to get groceries”. The law Man said: “Ok, show me the card” (can’t you just hear the back ground music?). When the lady pulled out the card there was a tissue apparently that got attached and guess what fell out?

As you already can figure, Ms. Haynes was transported down to the Doll House North of Ferndale where she is dancing under a “No Insurance”, “No Operators Licence” and “Possession of Controlled Substance 1st Degree/1st Offense (Methamphetamine) Charge. No bonds are listed at present. Ms. Haynes actually appeared there once before under a warrant from another agency back in August.

Next Up, Mizz Out in the County is here boys.

2/3/19 at about 12:30 in the afternoon, Officer Jordan Hurd, also known as “Heard It All Hurd”, arrested 27 year old Ms. Pamela S. Daniels from over in Page and charged her on a complaint warrant for “Criminal Possession of a forged Instrument” and “Theft by Deception under 500 dollars” taken out by the Speedy Joe Holder. Joe Holder can use the ink up in a Bic pen writing warrants faster than Harvey can eat a box of Krispy Creams. Unfortunately Ms. Daniels also had a bench warrant for shoplifting. She too was taken down to the Doll House North Of Ferndale and is currently twisting and turning under a 1K “Cash” Bond.

Are you ready for this? Give it up for our feature entertainer !!!

2/2/19 about 3:30 in the morning Officer Christopher Barnes (BiG C.) makes a traffic stop on 19th and Lothbury. Well the passenger, Ms. Crystal Brock of Middlesboro was “acting very nervous and kept putting her hands down between the seat and the door”. Big C. Ordered her to put her hands where he could see them and she “shoved them between her legs and clinched her fists”.

Ok boys we are gonna slow this dance down just a bit now. Remember it’s 3:30 in the morning. The Boro ain’t exactly the night life capital East of the Mississippi. It’s dark, it’s cold, there is nothing open and no where to go but to the Drama King out on the highway. If you are out running around 19th and Lothbury you can expect to draw the eyes of the Boys in Blue.

Now rolls in Sgt. Floyd Patterson who don’t like the late nights, and don’t like the cold and wants to speed things up, so he puts the “Motown” in the situation and tells Crystal to get out on the stage. She comes out of there like Martha and The Vandellas “Dancing In The Street”. When she does, guess what drops out of her hands?

Next thing you know Crystal is rocking the crowd at the Doll House North Of Ferndale charged with a Bench Warrant and Possession of Meth. Hey, Hey, Hey, this ain’t crystal’s first time on stage you know. Her past charges include but are not limited to:

Shoplifting X3
Cold Checks X1
Possession of Controlled Substance X1
Drug Paraphernalia X1
Public Intoxication X1
Criminal Trespass X1
Non-Support X1
Bench Warrant X19

Crystal is still appearing at the Doll House with no bond listed

Thanks for coming in boys. Don’t forget our 3 meals a day specials each week here at the Doll House. Remember that bondage night never ends with cages in the back of cars, pepper sprays, hand cuffs and interrogation rooms. And Gentlemen, our surprise “self-paroled” dance could happen any time. The lowest bonds and fastest releases are right here at The Doll House North Of Ferndale, open 24 hours. Come in and see us.

Maybe being a Cop ain’t so bad with all these benefits.

Go Team Middlesboro !!!

P.S. For those of you wondering, yes, I am going to find out why Motown is working the late shift. That ain’t right. That ain’t right.

Motley Crew “Girls Girls Girls” Click Here

Martha And The Vandellas “Dancing In The Street” Click Here

Ya’ll Ready For This…Click Here

“The following article is based on open and public records from the Middlesboro Police Department as well as The Bell County Detention Center Website and is written in the style of satire as an opinion piece not associated or based on the opinions of The Polygraph News, Incorporated—it’s founders, owners or staff.”