The Joker:

10/4/2019 Just after Midnight, Officer D. Torstrick (Too Strict) is conversing with a certain 38 year old Ms. Michelle Jones Overton of Middlesboro over on 19th street and Cumberland Avenue. I have no idea what the discussion entailed but apparently a bag of meth just “fell out of her bra”. Officer Jeremiah Johnson (J.J.) saw the whole thing. The women tell me that a good bra can cost as much as 100 bucks. I would hope that with that price it could contain not just what it’s designed for, but perhaps a bag of meth and your bank roll. A lady wouldn’t want to lose her stash out at Walmart because of a cheap bra I guess. Anyhow, Ms. Overton was escorted down to the Pineville Center for Bad Bras and Meth bags where she is still staying under a 1500.00 “Cash” bond. Public Intoxication and Possession of Meth are her charges.

Ms. Jones Overton’s past charges include but are not limited to:

Bench Warrant X6
Non-Support X3
Escape 3rd Degree X1
Public Intoxication (excludes alcohol) X1
Fleeing and Evading Police (On Foot) X1

10/2/2019 Just before Midnight Officer Too Strict arrests 21 year old McKinley Lawson of New Tazewell Tennessee at the Circle K on Cumberland Avenue. The Police Report doesn’t give me any more to the story than the charges which are:

Forgery 1st Degree
Possession of controlled substance 1st degree/1st offense (Methamphetamine).
Possession of marijuana
Drug Paraphernalia Buy/Possess.

Young Mr. Lawson was taken down the Pineville Big Orange Welcome Center where he’s still staying under a 1500.00 dollar “Cash” bond. He missed the Georgia game. I could not find any other records in Bell County on Mr. Lawson. Let us hope he keeps it that way.

Well that was short and sweet huh? I just wanted to introduce you to one of The Swarm’s new members Officer D. Torstrick (Too Strict). He’s been on a tear lately and I’ll be telling you more in a bit.

Now I know why we don’t have lady police officers in this area. We can’t afford the bras. A bra for every day of the week …dang!!! I guess also they got to have a couple specialty bras if they go out or 4 wheeling or something. That’s a lotta damn money you know but considering the valuables, I guess we better find the cash.

Thank you for your service Officer Torstrick.

Go Team Middlesboro!!!


“The following article is based on open and public records from the Middlesboro Police Department as well as The Bell County Detention Center Website and is written in the style of satire as an opinion piece not associated or based on the opinions of The Polygraph News, Incorporated—it’s founders, owners or staff.”