The Joker:

4/14/19 10:30 in the evening. Dispatch gets a ring from Walmart about a “suspicious male”. Officer Christopher Barns (Big C.) answers the call. Turns out that the “suspicious male” was with another male. When they exited the store the other left while the “suspicious” one got into a 2005 Gold Chevy with Big Orange Tags on it. So, Big C. decides to close the gap and make contact with the “suspicious” one. Upon approach Big C. could smell one of the area’s finest joints burning (Red hair, Thai Stick, some of that good shit from Well’s Camp?).

Naturally (I use that word too often), Big C. gets Mr. “Suspicious” out of the vehicle. A back pack is there and I know you can guess the rest…Pills, Meth, Pipes, Weed Etc. It makes you wonder what the school system is teaching kids. You know it can’t be logic for that to happen. Sitting in the Walmart parking lot in Middlesboro smoking weed and having other drugs on you tells me that either the drugs have fried your brain and/or you just aren’t listening. I mean really. Oh yeah, and having a Bell County warrant on you is a bonus I suppose.

Anyhow, Big C. Takes Mr. “Suspicious” AKA Wesley Eggers of Harrogate Tennessee down to the Pineville Center for The Easy To Catch Criminal and charged him with:

Bench Warrant, “Pay or Stay” 188.50
Possession of Marijuana, NO BOND
Drug Paraphernalia Buy/Possess, NO BOND
Possession of Controlled Substance 3rd Degree (Drug Unspecified), NO BOND
Possession of Controlled Substance 1st Degree/1st Offense (Methamphetamine), 5,000.00 “Cash” Bond.

Well, here is the part so many of you wait on. Of course Mr. Eggers is experienced at joining the ranks of those staying at the Pineville Hotel. Over 11 bookings, his past charges include but are not limited to:

Warrant For Other Agency X1
Attempt To Elude Officers X1
Possession of Controlled Substance 1st Degree/1st Offense (Drug Unspecified) X1
Drug Paraphernalia Buy/Possess X2
Burglary 2nd Degree X1
Possession Controlled Substance 2nd Degree X1
Possession of Controlled Substance 3rd Degree X1
Wanton Endangerment X3
Possession of Controlled Substance (Methamphetamine) X1
Tampering With Physical Evidence X1

As we all know, it won’t be long before the “Bell County Don’t Give A Damn About The Public Justice System” will release Mr. Eggers back out into the pond. My advice to Mr. Eggers…Stay out of the Boro and you’ll stay out of jail.

Thank You Big C. Once again you’ve kept us safe for awhile.

Go Team Middlesboro!!!

“The following article is based on open and public records from the Middlesboro Police Department as well as The Bell County Detention Center Website and is written in the style of satire as an opinion piece not associated or based on the opinions of The Polygraph News, Incorporated—it’s founders, owners or staff.”