The Joker:

Prepare for a long story. This one you’ll need to remember.

Sunday March 31st 8:00 A.M. The sun has just come up and Detective “Titanium”Joe Holder will go for a morning Jog. As all of you know, Detective Holder runs like the wind. He’s so fast that he can snatch a meth pipe out of a junkies hand before the puff. Other than what happened on Christmas, no one has ever known Joe to lose a race. It’s never even been close. Once he pulled over a Corvette doing well over 100 miles an hour down Winchester Avenue. The driver was removed from the vehicle and handcuffed. He went to walk back to the cruiser but none was there. Joe ran him down on foot.

Joe has been told by the chief not to pull over vehicles by running up beside them any longer because it scares the public. Joe is more mature now, but he still likes to sneak up on the neighborhood dogs when he’s out jogging. The Dogs go flying at Joe and before they can get a bark out he’s gone. Mamaw don’t like it either. She’s threatened to sling a rollin pin at him if he keeps scaring the dogs.

At 45 degrees it’s a perfect morning for one of Joe’s runs. With no traffic he can get up to speeds over a hundred and not worry about any real danger. The Dogs don’t have a chance and generally no one is hot roding on the roads. Going down 20th street and making his turn on Winchester Ave. Joe knows now that he can open it up. His new Titanium shoes aren’t even broken in yet.

Joe is running around 55 mph and about to hit warp drive when something tears off a porch around 24th street snarling and barking. Joe laughs to himself that some new neighborhood dog thinks he can run. By the time Joe hits 25th street the dog or what ever it is, is catching up. Joe runs a little harder, about near 80. When they crossed 30th street the Thing was right on Joe’s ass. Enough thought Joe…Warp Speed.

At the end of Winchester Avenue Joe turned right and got on Cumberland. The Creature right behind snarling and howling like something out of a horror flick. Joe turned on Airport road and was over on the Beltline faster than you can say “Rural Road Commissioner”. Rounding the curve by the old Granny’s grocery (Jenkin’s store/Joe Archer’s store) the chase was the same. Joe couldn’t shake the thing. He could’t believe what was happening. He thought that if he could get the creature near traffic he could lose it. They hit 25E South where all the restaurants and stores are and Joe made a sharp turn into the Taco Bell Parking lot hoping that the creature would go on by. It didn’t work.

Fortunately for Joe, Officer Harvey Johnson was on the morning shift and had come out of the Taco Bell with a 6 pack of Double Breakfast Burrito Surprises, a Large Coffee with Cream, as well as the Honey Bun he was eating while he waited in line. As Joe blurred by him Harvey saw the dog and said: “Here Boy” while he held out one of the Burritos. The creature stopped dead in it’s tracks. As Harvey petted him, they shared the rest of the bag of goodies. It was love at first site. Harvey called him “Bah, Bah” and loaded him in the back of the cruiser. They went through the drive through and got another 6 pack of Breakfast Burrito Surprises.

Joe Holder continued to the station where he busted in on Chief Busic getting in the first sips of coffee. The Chief wasn’t really happy about having to work the early Sunday morning shift but he is the boss, a leader of men, and he wears that badge proudly.

Joe Holder: “Chief, we’ve got to call every available man out. There is something running around town that is big, mean and damn fast. It’s dangerous. It almost ran me down”.

At that point the Chief’s eyes perked up a bit as Detective Holder turned to show a tear in his new Titanium pants.

Joe Holder: “I lost it in the Taco Bell parking lot. I think I saw Harvey coming out while I went by. He could be in danger. We have to gather the men now”.

Dispatcher: “Harvey’s on the phone chief and he wants to talk to you”.

Chief Busic picking up the phone heard: “I found a dog. I wanna be a K-9 Officer”.

6/20/2019 about 5 P.M. Sgt. Barry Cowan (The Big Bear) is on patrol out on Avondale Avenue in the East end of town when he observes an individual with warrants on him out for a stroll. Well the individual also sees The Big Bear and hauls ass. As all of you know The Big Bear runs well but it seems this time maybe a little experience at fleeing cops trumps how fast he is. Therefore Chief Busic, who is also missing supper says: “Call in the K-9 Officer”.

In a flash (sorry Joe), Harvey and Bah Bah are on the scene. Harvey gives Bah Bah the secret dog whisperer talk and off he goes into the woods so fast the boys are afraid he’ll start a Forest fire. Anyhow, the suspect is lucky that Harvey can also motor a bit and was able to stay behind Bah Bah trying to get the smell or he’d have looked like a victim in a Freddy Kruger movie when they found him. Bah Bah found his man hiding under a brush pile. Good try, no cigar.

Mr. Michael Bruce Nash was escorted down to his regular room at The Pineville Center for career criminals where he still resides at the time of this writing charged with:

Fleeing or Evading Police 2nd Degree (On Foot)…No Bond
Parole Violation Warrant…No Bond
B/W FTA for Suspended Licence…$500.00 “Cash” Bond
B/W FTA Assault 4th Degree…$500.00 “Cash” Bond
B/W FTA Assault 4th Degree…$1000.00 “Cash” Bond
B/W Failure To Pay Fine for Trafficking In Controlled Substance…$166.00 “Pay or Stay”.

This is not Mr. Nash’s first time down at the Pineville Time Share. His past charges include but are not limited to:

Possession of Controlled Substance (Drug Unspecified) X2
Bench Warrant Other Agency X1
Trafficking X2
Possession of Marijuana X1
Attempting to Elude Officers X1
Assault 2nd Degree X1
Assault 4th Degree X5
Terroristic Threatening X2
Contempt of Court X3
Reckless Driving X2
No Insurance X1
Suspended Licence X1
Giving Officer False Name X1
Bench Warrant X6
Menacing X1
Parole Violation X1

Apparently Mr. Nash is a tough guy, but he ain’t as tough as Bah Bah.

This was Harvey and Bah Bah’s first bust as a K-9 Team. Anytime a perp outruns The Big Bear Cowan, and you get to catch him, that’s a day to brag about. Not too many can get away from The Big Bear. I think at this point we know that nobody can get away from Bah Bah.

On the first day that Harvey brought Bah Bah to the station everyone was so excited. Well, everyone but Joe Holder. Anyways, the boys were petting him and feeding him and loving on him when the Dispatcher came in and said: “What’s This”? They all said at the same time “ATLAS!!!”. Therefore, Bah Bah’s official name is “ATLAS” cause he hold’s up their world. He’s such a sweet boy, unless your a criminal and then he sort of gets a different attitude and all.

Atlas (Bah Bah) got to meet Mamaw where he and Harvey were treated to biscuits and gravy, over medium eggs and bacon, a three stack pancake and maple syrup including butter and got to take two fried peach pies with them. Mamaw loved Bah Bah. They hugged and kissed the whole time. The rest of the morning was a little tense because Harvey was trying to keep the fried pies for himself. Bah Bah just kept staring at him. It all worked out.

Thank You to our beloved Harvey, Chief Busic, The Dispatcher, The Big Bear Cowan, Titanium Joe Holder and of course Atlas (Bah Bah).

Go Team Middlesboro!!!

P.S. The Big Bear Cowan made the arrest on Mr. Nash and booked him into the jail at 6:41 P.M. Chief Busic, Harvey and Bah Bah all got to go to supper. The Big Bear was so mad he couldn’t eat anyway.

For The Race Joe Holder Lost…Click Here

“The following article is based on open and public records from the Middlesboro Police Department as well as The Bell County Detention Center Website and is written in the style of satire as an opinion piece not associated or based on the opinions of The Polygraph News, Incorporated—it’s founders, owners or staff.”