On Wednesday afternoon, Mr. Forhome of East Bernstadt Kentucky was visiting Ms. Betty Needsluv of Middlesboro at her home in the Noetown section of town. Mr. Forhome realized he had spent too much time at the visit and could be late getting home for supper. The fastest way to get back to Laurel County from Noetown was to go down Hwy. 441 (The Belt Line) and then on to Hwy 25E and then North.
Highway 441 (The Beltline) has few real curves and long straightaways where one can bring a vehicle up to high speeds. This was perfect for Mr. Forhome. Well anyone that knows The Beltline knows that just before the farthest West straightaway begins up the hill on the South side is Mr. and Mrs. Longview’s home that sits about 500 yards off the road. The Longview’s hog pen sits just feet away from the road. Anyone in the neighborhood gets a good whiff of what Bacon walks around in when the wind is right.
Anyhow, one of the hogs had kicked a board off the pen allowing a smaller pig to escape. The pig decided to cross the road just as Mr. Forhome came by at approximately 75 to 80 miles per hour. If you’ve heard the old saying: “When Pigs Fly”, well had you been there you’d have seen it. The Piglet has yet to be found.
Mrs. Longview called the MPD and Lt. Tom Busic answered the call. A BOLO was issued on a 2016 Red Dodge Ram Truck .
Mr. Forhome arrived back in East Bernstadt and pulled in his driveway making the trip from Middlesboro in about 30 minutes. When Mr. Forhome exited the truck Laurel County Sheriff John Root pulled in behind him. The Dialogue went like this:
Mr. Forhome: Hello Sheriff, What can I do for you?
Sheriff Root: Rush, I’m here to take you in for a hit and run in Middlesboro.
Mr. Forhome: How do you know it’s me?
Sheriff Root: The Pigs Squealed.
We have on good information that Mrs. Forhome gave the meat loaf supper she’d prepared to the family’s two German Shepherds, Bullett and Pistol. She later that evening called the law firm of Cheatham and Burnum and set up an appointment.
Ms. Betty Needsluv was unavailable for comment.
Go Team Middlesboro !!!
Go Team Root’s Crew !!!
Disclaimer: This Article is purely Satire. Not all names mentioned here are real individuals. The one’s that are hopefully have a good sense of humor. No animals were harmed in the writing of this article.