The Joker:

Well this is one of the episodes you’ve been waiting for. J.J.’s fans have hounded me for awhile demanding to know: “When is J.J. coming back?”, “What happened to J.J.?” Of course I could not say, but what I can say NOW is:

J.J.’s here, bringing you fun
J.J.’s got, crime on the run
Get a big wide happy, ear to ear
J.J. Smile

Let’s start out with a good one. On 5/10/19, right about 6:30 or so, our hero Officer Jeremiah Johnson (J.J.) pulls over a Black Suzuki Motorcycle with Tennessee Tags on 19th street. Unfortunately for the rider, Mr. William F. Allen of sometimes Middlesboro, and sometimes Harrogate/Cumberland Gap, a bench warrant for his arrest has been issued based on Parole violations. Naturally, J.J. has the cuffs on him faster than you can say “welcome back”.

Anyhow, as most of you are expecting at this point, Mr. Allen (Alias “Slo Mo”) is no stranger to the “Quiet Riot” concert down in Pineville. His current charges are:

Absconding
Failure To Complete Treatment
Failure To Report Home Address
Use Of Controlled Substance
Failure To Report To Parole Officer

Mr. Allen’s past charges beginning in 2001 include but are not limited to:
DUI X2
No Licence X2
No Insurance X2
Trafficking in Controlled Substance (Drug Unspecified) X2
Bench Warrant X2
Carry A Concealed Weapon X2
Receiving Stolen Property (Fire Arm) X1
Trafficking In Methamphetamine X1
Reckless Driving X1
Fleeing or Evading Police 2nd Degree (Motor Vehicle) X1
Parole Violation Warrant X3

Slo-Mo is still chilling at the Pineville Criminal Time Share with no bond listed.

Moving right along, on 5/12/19 around 1:30 P.M. J.J. makes a stop on a 2001 Blue Dodge. Unfortunately for one of the passengers, Mr. Johnny Brock of Harrogate Tennessee, when J.J. walked up to the car he could see an “8-Ball” of Meth in the front seat. I guess Mr. Brock thought he was in Claiborne County huh? Well, Mr. Brock also had some weed and digital scales. Mr. Brock was transported down to the Pineville Center for Big Orange “8-Balls” where he still resides with no bonds listed. I’m sure those snappy Bell County Defense lawyers will have him out in no time.

Oh yeah, I almost forgot. Mr. Brock’s previous charges in Bell County include but are not limited to: DUI, Drug Paraphernalia and No Insurance.

As a bonus, Mr. Brock’s chauffeur got arrested also. You know how thorough J.J. is. The Driver, Mr. Earl Scott Mansfield of Middlesboro, also got charged with the “8-Ball” and some weed, no licence,as well as not having insurance on the vehicle. I mean really, what’s more important, car insurance or an 8-Ball?

Mr. Mansfield is currently hanging with Slo-Mo and Johnny B. Goode down at the Pineville Home for bad decisions with no bonds listed on his charges except a 1500.00 “Cash” bond on the “No Licence” charge.

Sadly, there was a “homeless” guy in the back seat and he also got charged with the “8-Ball” and Weed. 20 year old Mr. Spencer Rains is also staying with his pals down at the Pineville Homeless Resort. His bond is listed at 1500.00 “Cash”. Spencer, do yourself a favor and flee from the above 2 before you end up with frequent flyer miles at the jail.

So let’s top this off with a sweet little bust of Mr. Christopher Miracle. You see, Mr. Miracle was arrested on a complaint warrant of using someone else’s debit card at a bank to withdraw money as well as some cold checks. To add in some sugar, he also had three bench warrants for minor discrepancies that he didn’t pay the fine for. I guess he couldn’t obtain anyone else’s debit card to do so. Anyhow, Mr. Miracle is resting comfortably down at the Pineville Center For Petty Thieves with 1100.00 “Cash” bonds listed as well as a 100.00 “Pay or stay” and No Bond listed on the Bad Check charge. I suggest that the deputy jailers as well as “Slo-Mo” keep an eye on their wallets and purses during his stay.

As you can see, J.J. is “Back With A Vengeance”. I know all of his fans feel safer now that he is back on patrol. I know I do.

For those of you that don’t know, Officer Johnson is also an Iraqi Combat Veteran as well as one of the City’s finest. As the city and nation struggle to find and keep qualified Police Officers, be thankful that J.J. is with us.

Go Team Middlesboro!!!

Koolaid Song Click Here.

 

Disclaimer:
“The following article is based on open and public records from the Middlesboro Police Department as well as The Bell County Detention Center Website and is written in the style of satire as an opinion piece not associated or based on the opinions of The Polygraph News, Incorporated—it’s founders, owners or staff.”