The Joker:

7/17/2019, just before 4 in the afternoon. Officer Jeremiah Johnson (J.J.) makes a stop on a Blue/Gold Ford out at the B.P. on 38th and Cumberland. It appears that the driver, Mr. Jason Lee Edward Browning of Colorado Springs, Colorado has a couple bench warrants for FTA on him. The “complaint” warrant was taken out by Officer Robin Venable (Rockin Robin) on Mr. Browning for taking property “without permission” back in May. J.J. has no knowledge of these events.

Well, The Colorado Kid’s movements are “exaggerated” and he’s very “Talkative” . J.J. can see that there is a air of Death Dust Bravado here. Anyhow, J.J. gets Mr. Colorado out of the car and tries to put the cuffs on him. The Kid ain’t going for it. A scuffle ensues. First the Kid tries to run. That don’t work. Then he decides to fight trying to grab J.J. and punch him. WAIT!!!

Enter Sgt. Barry Cowan (The Big Bear).

The Big Bear joins the frey. The Death Dust Rush has given The Colorado Kid almost super human strength and plenty of chutzpah. J.J. won’t back down of course and with the help of The Big Bear they get The Colorado Kid/Death Dust Kung Fu Expert in the cruiser in cuffs. YEAH!!! Fist pump.

Well on the way down to Pineville Mr. Colorado threatens J.J. and The Big Bear and about anyone else you can think of. This only adds to the charges. He also didn’t want to give out any information on his identity…Can’t say I blame him, but pal, you just lost a fight with the Cops. They will find out who you are if they have to do an DNA search.

So they get down to the Bell County Welcome Center For Out Of Town Assholes and J.J. checks Mr. Jason Browning/The Colorado Kid into a fine room with excellent accommodations. Breakfast comes with it if you’re lucky. J.J. charges Mr. Browning with:

Bench Warrant X2
Assault 3rd Degree Police Officer X2
Obstructing Governmental Operations
Terroristic Threatening
Resisting Arrest
Disorderly Conduct 2nd Degree
Public Intoxication (Excludes Alcohol)
Criminal Mischief

The Colorado Kid is still on vacation down where he can see the chained Rock from his cell under 15K “Cash” bond as well as a bunch of “No Bonds” on other charges.

MPD. 1 Out of Town Criminals 0

The Colorado Kid (Jason Browning) has a past history of crime in Bell County. His charges include but are not limited to:

Shoplifting X3
Possession of Controlled Substance X1
Bench Warrant X2

Now let’s just hope that some idiot down in the Pineville justice system don’t turn him out to run back to Colorado before he has to face justice. I mean we can hope right?

Thank you J.J. and The Big Bear for bringing in The Kid. We appreciate your service to the community.

Go Team Middlesboro!!!

“The following article is based on open and public records from the Middlesboro Police Department as well as The Bell County Detention Center Website and is written in the style of satire as an opinion piece not associated or based on the opinions of The Polygraph News, Incorporated—it’s founders, owners or staff.”