The Joker:

2/3/19 around 4 in the morning out on Wilson Lane, (You can already tell that this ain’t a good time for anyone to be out and about in the Boro.) Officer Christopher Barnes (Big C.) Serves a couple of bench warrants on 58 year old Ms. Alma Weaver of Middlesboro. The warrants are for FTA and have a “Pay or stay” for 761.00 dollars and 898.00 dollars. Ms. Weaver was released on the 5th. I guess she “Paid” rather than “stayed” but who knows?

The lady has had some issues before like DUI and Possession of controlled substance 3rd degree as well as some minor stuff but she’s not exactly Public Enemy Number 1.

Moving on to the real criminal of this article, on 2/2/19 just before 4 in the morning, Big C. was driving West on Cumberland Avenue when he observed a 2002 Black Chevy Pick Up “Swerve several times”. Once again let me remind you of the time. If you’re going to be out that late expect to gain the eye of the Boys in Blue. The vehicle also put on a turn signal twice but never turned and finally was stopped on New Wilson Lane. The driver, Mr. John J. Pridemore of Middlesboro was “talking fast” and had “blood shot eyes”. Big C. Said: “Hey John get out of the car and let’s dance”. Well John couldn’t dance too well and he fell down “twice”. One would think that when a police officer asks you to dance you would do the best you can. Anyhow, John had some ….yes you guessed it….and when John got down to the station he even had 5.4 grams more of death dust on him. John was also driving on a suspended licence.

Well, Big C. got the 32 year old six foot one inch 100 and 50 pounds John down to Pineville faster than you can say: “I’m glad The Night Stalker didn’t catch me”. I wonder how John stays so slim, could it be the Meth? The Meth Diet works a lot faster than Jenny Craig. I mean, you don’t need teeth do you?

So John is hanging at the Pineville lay over for Low life drug dealers charged with:

Drug Paraphernalia buy/possess…No Bond
Operation of a Motor Vehicle under the influence Alcohol/Drugs/Etc. 2nd Offense…No Bond
Operating on Suspended Licence …No Bond
Trafficking in controlled substance 1st degree/2nd OR (Methamphetamine)…2500.00 “Cash” Bond

I wonder how long they will keep John down at the jail. He obviously don’t give a shit about driving around messed up on meth with no licence, but hey, it’s just the public that is in danger and not the judges, lawyers and politicians.

Thanks Big C. for keeping the public safe for a short while. We do appreciate that.

Go Team Middlesboro !!!

“The following article is based on open and public records from the Middlesboro Police Department as well as The Bell County Detention Center Website and is written in the style of satire as an opinion piece not associated or based on the opinions of The Polygraph News, Incorporated—it’s founders, owners or staff.”