The Joker:

Well strike up the band and play “Rocky Top”, the Big Orange Crime Wave in the Boro continues.

1/12/19 just about 3 A.M. in the morning. A 2019 Chevy Equinox is cruising North on U.S. 25 E. in the Boro at 55 MPH. Just one problem here. The speed limit is 35 MPH. Well the Christmas Lights came on and Ms. Brittany Hope Edwards of Talbot Tennessee was stopped by Sgt. Josh Burchett (Bust’em) of the Middlesboro Police Department (The Swarm). As Bust’em approached the vehicle he, “noticed a strong odor of alcohol”. I wonder if he means like driving by a Jack Daniels Factory? Anyhow, Ms. Edwards also had some open bottles in her vehicle that were “partially drank”.

Needless to say, Ms. Edwards did not do well at the late night dance contest/Tennessee Waltz (road side sobriety test) and was taken down to the station where she “denied to contact an attorney”. She was then ushered to the Pineville Big Orange Drunk Driving Welcome Center where she was housed for a couple of days before being released today. She was charged with:

Speeding 17 MPH over the limit
Possession of open alcohol container in motor vehicle
Operation of Motor Vehicle under the influence of Alcohol/Drugs/Etc. .08 1st Offense.

1/12/19 Just before 8 P.M. Officer Christopher Barnes (Big C.) was on patrol out behind the Food City on 10th street when he found a man staggering out in the middle of the road and had about fallen twice. Big C. makes contact with the man who is “talking out of his head” with blood shot eyes. I guess at this point, we can say that the gentleman was “high as Rocky Top”? So Big. C. asks for the man’s ID and he fumbles around in his front pocket until Big C. just pulls his hand out and of course it contained a bag of Meth. The gentleman also had a joint in his pack of Marboro Reds.

Mr. Stephen M. Runyon of Lafollette Tennesee was taken down to Pineville where he was welcomed as a Big Orange intoxicant and given the finest room in the place. He was charged with:

Possession of Marijuana
Public Intoxication-Controlled Substance (Excludes Alcohol)
Possession of controlled substance 1st Degree/1st Offense Methamphetamine

Although no bonds were listed, Mr. Runyon was released about 14 hours later. I guess it’s a good thing that Big C. got him off the street before he hurt himself. Mr. Runyon got to stay in a suite down in Pineville before back in July of 2017 when he was arrested by Big Bear Cowan and charged with:

No Seat Belts
Possession of Marijuana
Possession of Controlled Substance 1st Degree (Drug Unspecified)
Operation of a motor vehicle under the influence of Alcohol/Drugs/etc.

Back then a 1K “Cash” bond was listed on the seat belt Charge and no bonds were listed on the other charges. Mr. Runyon was released 12 hours later. Maybe it’s better to be a Big Orange Guest in Pineville, than a local.

Great Job by Sgt. Bust’em Burchett and Big. C. Barnes.

Go Team Middlesboro !!!

Disclaimer:
“The following article is based on open and public records from the Middlesboro Police Department as well as The Bell County Detention Center Website and is written in the style of satire as an opinion piece not associated or based on the opinions of The Polygraph News, Incorporated—it’s founders, owners or staff.”