The Joker:

On 9/9/2019, about 6:30 P.M. Officer Christopher Barnes (The Big C.) found Mr. Christopher Carroll of Middlesboro in the B.P. station out at the 4 way stop and arrested him on a complaint warrant for “Promoting Gambling, 1st Degree” and “Engaging in organized crime”. At present Mr. Carroll is staying at Pineville’s most luxurious establishment and receiving a delightful continental breakfast paid for by the taxpayers of Bell County. If he’d like to check out, he’ll have to come up with $3500.00 “Cash” or just wait until some lawyer or judge or who knows who just lets him go. Shouldn’t be long.

You know, one of the problems with crime in Bell County is that it’s not really organized. If some of these criminals knew what they were doing they wouldn’t be appearing in the annals of Bell County criminal history so much. I mean really, what happened to the education system that can’t even teach a kid basic organizational skills. The country is going to hell. Where is Joe Banano when you need him?

9/10/2019, just after noon, The Big C. gets a call from the West Side McDonald that someone is living behind their dumpster, selling dope and a few other things. Well, The Big C. accompanied by the speedy Detective Joe Holder get out there faster than you can say: “Motion to adjourn” at a Middlesboro City Council Meeting.

So The Big C. and Joe Holder find a couple has set up a tent, ran a clothes line and installed their own garbage dump. They had also been too busy to get an out house built so they were just using the closest spot next to the tent. Joe Holder had the cuffs on them faster than the McDonald’s ice cream machine can break. Off they went to Pineville where at least they have indoor plumbing (Last I checked) and food you don’t have to pay for (Nobody would buy it anyhow).

Mr. Darrell Brummett of behind McDonalds was charged with:

Trafficking in Controlled Substance 1st Degree/1st Offense
Bench Warrant for FTA/Shoplifting
Criminal Littering
Soliciting unlawful compensation (What ever that is ? ).

Mr. Brummett is no stranger to the accommodations of the Pineville Home For Continued Employment for Lawyers and Judges. His past charges include but are not limited to:

Bench Warrant X25
Disorderly Conduct X2
Public Intoxication (Excludes Alcohol) X1
Receiving Stolen Property X1
Non-Support X3
Failure To Comply With Order For DNA Testing X1

Mr. Brummett is currently still in Pineville held under a $1500.00 “Cash” bond. Now that’s a lot of Big Macs.

The other half of the “Home Improvement” duo is Ms. Bonnie Partin. She was charged with:

Trafficking In Meth X2
Bench Warrant for FTA for Trafficking in Meth
Criminal Trespass 3rd Degree
Criminal Littering

Ms. Partin is also familiar with the ladies section of the Pineville Nunnery. Her past charges include but are not limited to:

Bench Warrant X4
Shoplifting X1
Trafficking In Meth X2

Ms. Partin is also still chillin like a villin down at Chain Rock City with 5K “Cash” bond over her head. I guess she’ll be staying awhile. Nah, they’ll find a way to send her back out to McDonalds.

Well there ya have it. Big C. with some help from Joe Holder hit a trifecta. The West Side McDonalds is now safe from drug dealers, trash, clothes lines, and the smell of shit. Organized Crime figures are locked up and the city is safer than before. So get a Hep A shot and keep at it.

Go Team Middlesboro!!!

P.S. Once again, let me send a big Joker criminal whisper out to the wonderful ladies of the Bell County Crime Exposed Site. You girls are…”Da Bomb”. Don’t forget to use your “like” button. Stay Safe. May the “Force” be with you.

 

Disclaimer:
“The following article is based on open and public records from the Middlesboro Police Department as well as The Bell County Detention Center Website and is written in the style of satire as an opinion piece not associated or based on the opinions of The Polygraph News, Incorporated—it’s founders, owners or staff.”