The week began as gunshots were fired at three people including a child. An argument including a bruised pride turned to stupidness by the alleged macho shooter. Luckily, no bullets pierced flesh this time. CID arrived and the answers of what happened will be found because we know who did what.

Ok, another “What the?” story so here goes: A guy got his car repossessed and the repo man was kind enough to the sad dude by giving him a ride in the follow car. While his hooked up dream machine dragged along in front of them, the inept, “yakety yak” driver was apparently not paying attention. Repo guy rear ended the repo leader and crushed the prized catch of the night..

As men of honor and responsibility would dutifully do, a pull over in the emergency lane commenced. While the now distressed former owner was taking pics of his newly damaged ride (For Bart Durham purposes), these men of mystery jumped in their vehicles and left the poor flatfoot on a dark lonely pavement as truckers sped by. His car stared back toward the horizon and went into the darkness. (We came and helped him with his journey to an empty driveway)

If you were some of the ones who were stopped at our DUI checkpoint on 41A, found to be holding drugs, liquor on the breath, outstanding warrants (you thought would magically disappear) and righteously taken to jail, our humble non-apology to helping save your life.
We hope you got our message.

A troubled person mad at the world had been sending disturbing messages that violent things were going to happen at a Cheatham school. Deputies and CID worked feverishly to protect our innocent learners and identify who was up to this foolishness. The student identified, will pay the price, be criminally charged, professionally counseled and hopefully will become a better kid to work through life’s frustrations. Second chances are always warranted but with conditions.

Cheatham inmates were being extra bad boys this week so we went in early, yanked them from slumber and shook them down. Vandalism was seen and then dangerous contraband found.

One thing we’ve never seen before: A stainless steel toilet rim (where many pimpled butts sit) evidence of burned grease where it was heated up and something fried. (Spoiler alert: It gets grosser) The self-tattooed cooker known as “I like to lick P” fried his bologna on the fecal rim. He stated he hates cold mystery meat and does whatever a greasy toilet licker has to do…C’mon man, even serial killers would be disgusted!

Another kind of violence visited Sam’s Creek this week when a driver veered into an oncoming truck pulling a heavy trailer. The trailer went sideways and two other vehicles joined in the law of crushing physics creating a mess that shut down all right of ways for hours. Driver injured and suspected to be under the influence.

A CHRISTMAS COAL (Part 1): An argument incurred over which muscle car was the most sought after in the 1980’s. Debate turned to words which escalated to subtle slurs and then all out threats. Declarations were followed by unheard of confederate insults. Un-gentlemen like pushing became imminent.

Weird wrestling that made tree frogs turn their heads escalated only after the neighborhoods favorite cat, “No Whiskers” was thrown at the aggressor. Violation “meow” of the feline code was flagged and countered back with a shovel upside Burl’s head.

Rage was next on the list with a hatchet hurled. Amateur throwing missed the skull but sadly impaled a tree squirrel that was only interested in gathering acorns and not watching the other nuts going at it again.

When the intended recipient of tomahawk mayhem did a double take, a countermeasure ensued by Paw Paw’s double barreled return policy. Two clicks and… (To be continued next week because it really gets interesting in a Cheatham “Hallmark Special” Hollow)

It truly felt like a “Hallmark Christmas” when Kingston Springs had their tree lighting and first annual tractor parade. The only thing missing was the snow but was intervened by Cheatham’s beautiful children singing. It looked like the whole town lined up with excited parents, cub scouts, Harpeth band students playing and Ms. Virginia, our matriarch grand marshal. Looking forward to next years Hallmark experience!

A wonderful start to a Cheatham Christmas with a gathering of citizens who love their communities! More parades to come including Ashland City, Saturday at 4pm and Pleasant View, Sunday at 2pm. Come and spread the cheer TeamCheatham!!