The Joker:

It’s the night before Christmas in the Boro and one would think it would be quiet. Banish that thought!!! Many are out at parties drinking too much and then deciding to drive themselves home. The Stores are full of last minute shoppers packing the parking lots and highways. The fast food joints have lines around the door from folks trying to stuff their bellies before they have to go hungry until Mom gets Dinner ready tomorrow. Even the mall and steak house have business. The druggies are also out in force visiting their dealers before tomorrow’s shutdown. The Boro is anything but quiet, its hopping and buzzing with activity.

The entire Middlesboro Police Force is on duty except Chief Sharpe and Officer Petie Gilbert because neither of them can stay up late. Anyhow around 9 P.M., out on U.S. 25 E. just South of Pineville, Bell County Deputy Robin Venable is on his way home when a vehicle blows by him at a very high rate of speed. Deputy Venable immediately stomps the gas and turns on the Christmas lights, but has no chance of catching up. On a Bell County Sheriff’s Budget, Venable is lucky to be driving a car with a quarter tank of gas in it much less something that can catch a vehicle going over 100 mph.

Deputy Venable (Rockin Robin) gets on the radio and warns the Boro Police about the on coming Vehicle. Lt. Edward Myers (Mr. Serious) immediately orders a road block on the North side of the city limits. Officer Harvey Johnson, Bad Brad Cawood, J.J. Johnson, Bruce Lee Bradley and Big C. Barnes answered the call and assembled across the road. The vehicle refused to slow at the sign of all the blue lights. Each officer had prepared themselves with weapons drawn. The Vehicle went by the Road block so fast that it blew the Wendy’s large coke cup right out of Harvey’s hand. Bad Brad Screamed out on the radio: “He’s by us, He got by us !!!”

A second road block had already been put in place at the corner of Cumberland Avenue and 25 E. Big Bear Cowan, Lt. Buis (Big D.), Big Quillie , Hairy Harris, Big K. Vanover as well as The Professor had the area secured. There was no way a vehicle could get by them. The vehicle took a sharp right onto 25 street and then a left on 15th street in order to avoid the road block. The Law Man (Officer Michael Smith) was on to this. He had set up another block in the street at the corner of 15th and Cumberland but just as he exited his cruiser the vehicle flew by him faster than the Bell County Justice System could let a meth dealer go.

The vehicle turned right on Cumberland Avenue going West but there stood Sgt. Floyd (Motown) Patterson with his cruiser across the road with the Christmas lights on, ready to defend Downtown right in front of the Trestle. Floyd was thinking: “This is my town and you’re gonna stop right here”. Before Sgt. Patterson could say “Lou Rawls”, the Vehicle went around his road block and continued up Cumberland Avenue flying only to meet Lt. Tom Busic on 20th Street ready to do battle.

Lt. Busic, our “Southern Gentleman” had been though this before. The traffic spikes were already down. The shot gun and extra ammo was in place. If he had to, he’d stop this high speed chase on his own. Yes of course the rest of the swarm were on the way, but this was where the last straw was gonna be drawn… the old fashioned way.

The Southern Gentleman stood in the middle of Cumberland Avenue with Shotgun in hand. The speeder never broke speed after leaving the trestle. The Gentleman thought: “Bring It On.” Just as the Gentleman brought the shot gun to his shoulder the Vehicle was by him and heading West on Cumberland Avenue. The Rest of the Swarm were closing in while the Gentleman turned to look Westward unable to believe what he just saw.

Out on 30th street a lone individual waited. The Night Stalker, red laser eyes glaring into the night. He quickly jumped into his car (Christine) and said: “Lets go girl”. The Vehicle went by them like lightning but Christine was ready and gave it her best to get up to speed. By the time they had passed the hospital, the vehicle and Christine were topping 180 mph. Ripping past the High School Christine was snarling like a Pitt Bull. The Stalker had removed the sun glasses. It was full game on now. Just as they neared the fork where Cumberland Avenue meets Noetown road and goes on up toward the top of Fonde Mountain a flash occurred on the right. Here came Joe Holder blazing by to enter the chase. In the next half mile Christine let off the gas because of public danger. The Stalker didn’t like it be he agreed. Joe Holder continued in pursuit. The Vehicle would not escape.

Up the mountain they went, twisting and turning. Holder was determined not to let anyone run though his Town endangering the public and get away. Hair pin turn after hair pin turn they went as they neared the top of the mountain. Closer and closer Holder came to the Vehicle. Finally they hit that last little turn before the short straightaway at the top of the mountain that then either goes straight into the dirt towards the old strip mine or makes the sharp turn back down the mountain into Tennessee. Holder was within feet of the vehicle. The Vehicle went forward into the darkness and dirt. Holder was now within arms reach. Then the vehicle pulled away and went straight up into the air and off into the night. Joe Holder was out of breath and fell to his knees. Holder was able to see the driver of the vehicle turn his head and say: “Merry Christmas To all and to all a good night !!!”. As Joe sat there in the dirt huffing and puffing he heard a “thump” as next to him fell a a bottle of Hi-Karate cologne.

About 5 mins later The Stalker and Christine pulled up. “Come on Joe, we’ll give you a ride back into town” said the Stalker. Joe reluctantly got into the car and the three sat silent for the rest of the ride to the station. Christine didn’t dare put on any Christmas music.

The Boys had gathered back at the station, angry, surprised, and discombobulated. Bear Cowan even bumped his head again coming in the back door. On the table in the back was two cases of High Karate Cologne, enough for everyone. The Dispatcher said a short guy with a green tie on brought it by. She got a big box of candy that Harvey better not even think about opening.

The phone rang. It was Chief Sharpe: “Which one of you #$###$$# put this bottle of High Karate Cologne in my door. You woke me up letting the screen slam ? ”

Petie Gilbert also was awakened with a sweet tooth. He went to the fridge to hit on those Fig Newtons he’d just bought. Surprisingly they were gone. A bottle of High Karate Cologne sat on the kitchen table.

Mostly, the boys in blue have recovered from last night’s chase but Motown is still pissed off. Bear Cowan has a bump on his head, The Southern Gentleman still can’t believe it, The Night Stalker hasn’t slept all day and Joe Holder has worked all afternoon trying to break the sound barrier.

Lastly, Petie bought two more boxes of Fig Newton’s today. He hid one.

The whole station smells like High Karate Cologne.

Merry Christmas…

Go Team Middlesboro !!!